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I am Betting on Magic

As a rule, I have some pretty magical things happen to me on a nearly daily basis. If you are close to me, you likely hear my stories firsthand. If not, I occasionally write them up and post them in my blog which I have been writing for almost two years now. I generally reserve the really amazing and involved stories which may also include some kind of message or evidence of a life beyond this physical one in which we exist. I also talk to dead people; as in, I am a Medium.

For most of my life, I have been trying to hide for one reason or another. When I was very small, I didn’t want to upset my parents, so I found ways to behave and stuff my innate responses. When I was a little older and started school, I was keenly aware that I had a big head, because all the kids at the bus stop let me know by calling me Bubblehead. As a result, I would take the hat my mom bought me and unroll the cuff part as much as I could so just the thinnest amount of the hat was on my actual forehead to eliminate the size. It didn’t matter. Bubblehead it was.

As an adolescent, I tried to play small when I spoke. Someone told me the words I used were too fancy and it seemed like I was trying to make other people feel dumb. So, I stopped using certain words and tried to keep it simple. You get the idea.

As a teenager and an adult, I drank a lot. This way, if I got too noticeable and loud (the loud was a given) it would be fine because I was drunk, and so was pretty much everyone else. No one could point a finger at me because they too were drunk and loud.

This was all fun and games until I got a little closer to 40. My drinking didn’t go so well anymore, and neither did my digestion or energy levels. Something was very wrong. I had been diagnosed with hypothyroidism back when I was 32 but I took my medicine and things eventually levelled out. I had also been told I had celiac disease when I was about 28. Then I was told I really didn’t have a clear-cut case but should expect to develop problems with gluten in about 10 years. “Continue what you are doing in the meantime,” the doctor told me. Solid advice, right?

What was never considered was that my dad had passed from cancer just a year after my twins were born which was about a year before my “fake” celiac diagnosis. It was not discussed that the stress and trauma and extreme changes those years brought might have skewed my health a tidge.

Back to 40 and the end of the fun and games. Through a series of twists and turns that lasted about 7 years, I saw a lot of people: doctors who believed in science only; doctors who believe in science but also had an open mind to things like Eastern medicine and energy medicine; and, for good measure, completely woo woo practitioners.

Eventually I was told I had mitochondrial dysfunction. I had trouble with toxins and chemicals and therefore should be aware that these will take a long time to clear my system. It could impact my energy, my digestion, my muscles and more.

In time, I found a way to balance things out. This involved so many supplements, yoga, mindfulness, breath, a major overhaul of my diet, and quitting drinking which all resulted in becoming someone who literally could not hide ever. It was terrifying.

It is still not the easiest thing to be an adult who doesn’t drink but I have gotten used to it. It is also not the easiest thing to go to an event and sometimes pack your own meal or be hungry. Or, to tell friends who want to get together, that they have about 5 restaurants to pick from so you can eat without a rash, GI upset or worse.

I remember in the early days of this development, Dave, my now fiancé but then boyfriend, would encourage me to call restaurants and explain my needs before we went. Again, terrifying. I remember sitting in my office at work and crying before I called a restaurant.

“They are going to think I am the biggest pain in the ass,” I would think to myself.

Harder still was being in a restaurant and saying what I needed. Currently, I have trouble eating gluten, dairy, pork and corn. Back then the list was much longer and rather than just say what I couldn’t eat, I would be all passive and weird and not speak up. People were confused to say the least and I was super embarrassed. Dave would just watch me and then encourage me next time to be more direct.

It's funny how things work though. Dave has always pushed me to say what I need and to assert myself. It has never come easy to me. Even now, I find myself waffling about things. I might decide to walk the dogs and then he asks me to do something else without knowing what I wanted to do. I will quickly and out of habit relent, and say, “Yes, let’s do your thing. I can walk the dogs tomorrow.” Dave will not allow it. He makes me do the thing I wanted to do before anything else was an option.

At first, I was like, “Why are you being so mean to me?” He said he is not being mean, that he will wait for me to do what I need to do. (I love him a lot.)

So, what does all of this have to do with magic you say?

In addition to hiding my true self, I had a fairly negative attitude and was largely skeptical of most things. Somewhere around 2017, a few years into not drinking and eating a very limited diet, I began deepening my spiritual pursuits. You take away the wine and the pizza, what else is a girl to do? The more I saw and learned, the more magic started to show up. People that could help me also started showing up. The better my outlook, the better things appeared to be. The more I studied spirituality, the more magical “not coincidences” I saw. And somewhere along that path, I got attuned to Reiki and I started connecting with dead people in my sleep. And that literally changed everything.

The following year, my last remaining grandparent died and shortly thereafter my mom who was more like my best friend also died quite suddenly. It was a blow like none I had experienced. However, in the dark months that followed, I started seeing more and more magic. At this point I have no doubt that my mom is helping me. Back then I needed the evidence to support it. She loves to help me still whether it is with readings or the direction I need to go in, both my parents are still guiding me very often and, not always in a subtle way.

So fast forward to now. I am no longer working in corporate America. I am seeing clients for Reiki and readings, and I teach yoga. I write a lot. I am avidly and constantly studying astrology. I have my blog which roughly 100 people subscribe to and even fewer read. That has been fine up until now because I am very comfortable hiding. However, this is not the move anymore.

I may have made a lot of physical and behavioral changes but my inclination for fear and hiding is still there. While I am in a bit of a holding pattern waiting for my next step, I have decided I am going to bet on magic.

Therefore, I am mixing things up a little bit. I am well aware that what you focus on grows and that what you look for, you will find. So, for the next two weeks at least, I am going to share a small magical moment from each day. My intention with my blog was always to get people to see how we are all connected and consider there is life beyond this one and maybe, just maybe start to normalize the “coincidences” or synchronicities some of us encounter a lot of the time.

I feel like the world would be a kinder place if we all experienced a little more connectedness and magic.

The magic is getting louder and more obvious, and I know it is not mine to keep.

I am posting this to stay accountable. I am posting this because I have been through a lot to get here. I feel compelled to share my stuff to maybe help you with your stuff.

I hope you enjoy my moments of magic. And I am confident they will keep appearing.

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