You Think You Have Time

I was wrapping up a mediumship session with a new client last week. She was this amazing woman with a fascinating story. I was blown away with how Spirit showed me her story; the symbols and imagery that were deeply specific to HER. I was caught up in this session but I also knew that I was a few minutes over for my next person, so I started to wrap it up. I heard the door open to my waiting area, so I knew I needed to speed it up.

We ended the session and I walked this new client out front. I was startled to see that my next client was in fact not there. I swear I heard the door open just moments before and yet there it was, a totally empty waiting room. What the what?

This next client I had scheduled was a repeat client and she was also a friend, someone I had worked with probably 20 years ago. I was excited to get to connect with her.

I went back to my office to wait and pulled up her chart. I was a little concerned about this session because it felt like there was not much to talk about. If you know me, these are not words that cross my mind. I ALWAYS have things to talk about. In fact, every time I attempted to work on her chart in the last week, I kept putting it off. This is also not something I do. In fact, you might find me working on charts even when something else is pressing or needs immediate attention. When you find what you love, you throw all you have into it.

The minutes passed and she didn’t show up. She didn’t text or call. I checked my email. Nothing. So after the requisite 15 minutes, I text her. Still nothing. I packed up and left to get on with my day. I was worried about her because I know her and this is not her style. She has this beautiful Libra Virgo heavy chart and this is not the sort of energy that flakes.

We had some family parties that day so I had lots to do. I put it out of my head for the moment and went on with things.

The next day I was going to the Buffalo Bills home opener which is always a fun and hectic day. During halftime I checked my phone and I had a bounce back email from my friend who missed her appointment. Now my spidey senses were peaked. I immediately went to social media to investigate. What happened next knocked the wind right out of me.

She died. My friend, my client, the super kind Libra Virgo person, died nearly 4 weeks earlier. And I didn’t know. She was young, strong and vital. She was an ass kicker actually and had made fitness her life’s work. She was amazing. How does that happen?

I think I missed the entire second half of the football game. I sat there, stunned amid 70,000 yelling people unable to focus. What happened? How did I miss it? I thought of her family and her young grandchildren that I knew were her whole world. What if they don’t remember her? I got so sad; I am still so sad.

This lovely lady was not someone I talked to all the time. She was someone I knew though for years and continued to connect with at different intervals. If you are reading this and you also feel sad, send your love and energy to her family. They need your prayers and love. I am just an observer here.

This has been sitting on me for days. I think of her all day long. I am a medium, I am around death all the time. I know that people die unexpectedly all the time, why was this any different?

Last night I went to a sound bath to go deep into myself and unearth some of the things I have been grappling with. If you have never experienced a sound bath, I highly recommend them. I can’t explain how it happens, but the frequencies of the sound bowls and gongs and the varied instruments of sound permeate deeply into your being and it is nothing short of magic. For me, it helps me go deeply into meditation.

While I was in meditation, I saw a newscast that reported my death. I immediately wanted to shut this image down, but I let it play out. “Christy Simoncelli died today. She was a writer, a healer… (I missed some of the details) and was known for (…more missed details). She was just 62 years old.

Ok, OK! First of all, I am pretty sure my death will not make the evening news. I am also pretty sure I can outlast 62 but something about putting a limit on my time here made me feel sad and vulnerable. 12 more years? Another Jupiter cycle and I am out?

No, nope. Just no.

I need more time. I want to be an old grandma who loves her people and dies peacefully in her sleep one night. If I should be so blessed.

62? I NEED MORE TIME! I have so much work to do.

While I was sleeping last night, this was all jumbling around in my head like a bunch of towels in the dryer. Quietly, loudly at times, spinning and drying like towels do.

I woke up with Steve Jobs in my head, thinking of his quotes about life and time. Turns out I got it wrong; I was quoting Jack Kornfield who was actually paraphrasing Buddha:

“The trouble is, you think you have time.”

Yep. I don’t have time, and neither do you. And neither did my sweet friend who died so young and likely with her own set of unfinished business.

After several years of working with people dealing with profound grief and also connecting with their crossed loved ones, I know we are not guaranteed a happy ending. We most definitely are not guaranteed time to work all of our stuff out.

I know all these things and yet…

I want more time.

Steve Jobs did actually say some pretty great things, so thank you towels in the dryer for some of the gems that got me digging into that.

“We don’t get a chance to do that many things, and every one should be really excellent. Because this is our life. Life is brief, and then you die, you know? And we’ve all chosen to do this with our lives. So, it better be damn good. It better be worth it.”

That’s Steve.

“My favorite things in life don’t cost any money. It’s really clear that the most precious resource we all have is time.” More Steve.

“Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow know what you truly want to become.” Also Steve.

The buzzer just went off on the dryer.

So if we don’t get lots of time and we also may not get a happy ending, what are we mere mortals to do?

MAKE THE MOST OF EVERY MINUTE, HOUR AND DAY YOU HAVE.

Spend time with the people you love, go to the places that light you up. Do work that makes you come alive and hopefully also helps someone else along the way. Add to the world, don’t take from it. Give your love where you can. Use your time wisely.

But also, if you must waste time, as we all do, enjoy those minutes and hours too. We are not meant to be producing something every single minute. I personally need a solid amount of lollygagging each day in order to produce something.

I don’t write all this to bring you down. I write this because it has been a profound realization for me.

I think of my friend’s young grandchildren. Even if they don’t remember her, the love she has for them does not end. I have also seen evidence of that too many times. She will be there for every soccer game, every recital and graduation. She will be there because she loves them. They have a built in cheerleader in heaven.

And so do all of us. I promise.

I like to believe that was also her who came in to my waiting area, to let me know she was there.

This being human is so hard. We come here to learn and try and do; we create connections and make meaning and we even make other people. We have these super powerful energetic hearts that are also fragile and delicate and prone to breaking.

Keep going.

There is something you are here to do.

We risk the heartbreak. We do it anyway. We break down and bounce back. We touch each other and we give what we can when we can.

Keep going.

And to quote one more very lovely wise soul, one of my personal gurus, Mary Oliver.

“Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

Love,

Christy

xoxoxo

PS Also from the dryer that was my brain last night, song of the day: "Scared to Start" by Michael Marcagi